it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
