doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
