Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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