getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
