yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
