Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
