i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
