I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
