I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
