she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
