yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
