I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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