I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
