It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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