My liver just broke up with me...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
