so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
