it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We don't watch enough power rangers
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
