We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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