We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
