im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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