Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
