I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I need to sanitize my soul.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
