Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
