youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
