I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
