I got chris browned last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
