I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
