I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
