kristin has been a bad kristin
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
