you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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