I'm eating all of the evidence.
the condom got lost in my hair
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
