He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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