I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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