I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
