accomplished twins. life is a go
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
