do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
