I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
True strength comes from lack of pants
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
