My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
