ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
