I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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