That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
