the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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