PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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