I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
