What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
