Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
