i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
