is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
