I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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