Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize