I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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