I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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