You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
