I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
