what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
