Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
