Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
