Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
