i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
