I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
