I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
